Step 29 – Snapping Old Habits

ball-of-rubber

I think I was borderline OCD when I was a kid. Always making lists, scheduling my time, organising my books and comic books. It was all about putting things in order; all the time ๐Ÿ™‚

it lasted well into my high school years. Sometime when I started working at McDonalds (ah, those were the days) those old habits dropped away. Maybe I felt I was becoming more of an adult (having my own money to spend, being more in control) that I didn’t need to obsess as much. So glad!

these days, my music demands a certain attention to detail. Everything has to ‘slot’ in correctly, work for a greater purpose. The parts inform the whole. It takes effort to ensure that everything is synced, harmonised, and balanced. Care is certainly a factor. But it isn’t obsessing! its about making sure its right, then moving on, not coming back and endlessly re-arranging. Once its done (and done well!) it looks after itself. OCD doesn’t recognise this. It constantly worries, and rechecks things over and over again. Looking for those horrid germs, or that unlocked door, or left on stove. OCD _can’t_ move on.

I’m in control these days, but not anal about it.

OCD is the washing machine of the mind. Going round, and round, and …

take care friends, and enjoy the music!!

scored for piano solo

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10 Responses to “Step 29 – Snapping Old Habits”

  1. Sarah the Wonder Girl Says:

    I like this! You address a complex issue with simplicity… very nice indeed.

  2. G Says:

    I can most definitely relate. I’m borderline OCD myself, with the chronic list-making and scheduling. I’m glued to my planner, and if I ever lost it, I think I’d have a nervous breakdown. lol Also, there’s refusing to leave the house until I’m absolutely certain the stove and all the lights are off. But I refuse to believe that’s anything more than just being safe and energy-conscious. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    It’s funny how this piece captures how it feels to be in the midst of one of those moments, and yet, it’s a nice, peppy tune. Wonderful, as always!

  3. Doraz Says:

    As the mind goes round and round…we follow.
    Nicely down.
    Nicely captured.

  4. Sheepy Says:

    A period of several years on the police department where I was duty obligated to watch the behavior of individuals, much of the time covertly, I found that many people, old and young and in-between exhibit unexplained and unexplainable actions and routines that can only be described as “OCD”.

    After a time I noticed myself doing the same! LOL.. They seem be done in a state of consciousness just below awake and aware. A tad deeper than “habits” on the psychological level. From these occupational periods of my life, after I found it next to impossible to do some things.

    Walk by a doorway in the evening hours with shaking hands with it’s handle to see if it was secure.

    Checking windows to see if they were latched.

    Watching people exchange money to make sure none was pocketed. (Gaming).

    Checking tires on the car before I drive at the beginning of the day.

    While driving in traffic for long periods I will worry that the car ahead of me thinks I’m following them and turn off from behind them before I even realize why I did it.

    Open the shower curtain and stick my head outside to listen for the phone? Ha!

    There are many more, I could write a short book on them, but what I suddenly realized was that these “habits” are not necessary in a civilian life. I have tried desperately for a long period to break them, and I find myself resting on this conclusion; They don’t hurt anyone, they give me some kind of sense of security and the struggle to overcome them is worse than the affliction itself. So, I resolve in this phrase, “Well, fuck it then Sir! – business as usual!”..

    Now, I must tell you….. this is the only time that I can remember, that in my own thoughts and in my own mind I termed and addressed myself as, “Sir”…… This person that performs these occupational habits, is a respectable and separate “id” within the “me”… my hat is tipped to him and he goes about his business on his own with no interferance from “Sheepy”.

    Good day Sir!

  5. Miss Demure Restraint Says:

    Wonderful truth and beautiful music
    My soul soothed
    My heart calmed
    Powerful and magical

    Miss D

  6. bundleocontradictions Says:

    What a wonderful way of exploring a condition I’ve been suspected of having.

  7. axinia Says:

    i think men tend to be like that, especially in respect of their musical collections ๐Ÿ™‚

  8. Cheryl Sills Says:

    Good article.

  9. sparrowsong Says:

    Oh, polyphony! I like the repetitive downward motive in the left hand; very nice piece. What compositional software do you use? Midi recordings are so handy, but I do crave to hear breathing musicians play.

  10. sparrowsong Says:

    Haha, I was raised on Finale. I started out with 2005, but now I can use 2009 at work. Perhaps if you partnered with some music programs at local schools you might have some live performances made, albeit not at the professional level. You never know, though, some kids might surprise you. ๐Ÿ™‚

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